Drastic Change!

I've been wanting to cut my hair for a long time. I was getting sick and tired of dealing with my long locks but I put off cutting it because life was so crazy that I needed the option of just putting it up in a ponytail.
Turns out my new do is even easier than that. I can go from wet to done in six minutes!

What I Learned in the Fire

It was one year ago this week that we opened our business. Which would be a pretty impressive milestone were it not for the fact that last week we officially closed!

We were at a cross roads and decided it would be better for our family in the long run to get out while we still had some money and sanity left. Because honestly, if we had continued much further we would have quickly run out of both!

Don't feel bad for us. We don't feel bad for us.

Although it wasn't a profitable experience as far as money is concerned, we gained a wealth of knowledge this past year--things we needed to learn and probably couldn't have learned any other way.

Now more than ever I believe that the purpose of this life is to refine us through our trials. That "refiners fire" that everyone is always talking about is so crucial to this mortal experience even though it can sometimes feel unbearably hot.

Here are just a few of the important lessons that the refiners fire of owning a small business has taught me:

* Just because the Lord wants you to do something doesn't mean he's going to make it easy for you. Nor does it mean that it's going to turn out like you expected.

* If you feel your prayers aren't being answered it may be necessary to change the question.

* "Venting" your negative emotions is better left to prayer. Give those thoughts, emotions and stresses to the Lord. He will give you more peace than a hundred tantrums ever could.

* There is strength to be had in recognizing your own weaknesses. You may need to just embrace who you are, give up on trying to be who you think you ought be and celebrate the you that is!

* Everyone makes mistakes, but don't make it worse by also making excuses. Own it and move on.

* The Lord doesn't care about money--And he may let you lose a lot of it to teach you what is really important!

* The statement "winners never quit and quitters never win" is a lie. Winners quit all the time. The trick is knowing WHEN to quit and being clear in your motivations when you do.

* Running a struggling business and being unemployed pay about the same! :)

We're still trying to figure out what is next for us. We're taking a little time to regroup right now. Fortunately we have options. I am extremely optimistic about what lies ahead. I'm open to just about anything. I'm not scared to take chances and I'm not afraid to think outside of my own box.

I guess I learned that in the fire too.

Overheard at Macey's

I made the mistake of going grocery shopping at Macey's at about 7 pm on Friday. I naively thought that the store would be more deserted on a weekend evening. Yeah, I'm sometimes that dumb.

The store was packed. They were hosting some sort of tailgate party for the BYU game, plus it was the case lot sale, plus there were dozens of families there for cheap ice cream cones in the deli. I very nearly turned around and left when I realized how crowded it was, but I hadn't been to the store in over a week and we only had about a half cup of milk in the house. I decided just to take my time and do what needed to be done.

I ended up having a delightful experience. I got my own cheap ice cream cone and wandered around the store eavesdropping as I shopped. I learned a few new things.

I am not making any of this up.

From the two teenage boy checkers who s-l-o-w-l-y checked out my case goods during the breaks in their conversation:
"Dude you totally need to get out of the virgin lip club."
"Yeah, I know. It's so weird though, cuz like it's a good thing for boys to get out of the club, but girls are supposed to stay in the club. It's like they don't want to get out. When boys get out they have a party with their friends."
"My seminary teacher said it's good to kiss. We're supposed to."

What the heck?

From the two college girls wandering around the produce section:
"I don't want pesticides on my food. I like might grow another leg or something."

Huh? (These same girls were later complaining that they had to buy an entire bunch of celery when they only needed two stalks. Heaven forbid they eat extra celery!)

And from the disembodied voices of two employees chatting on the other side of the dairy case:
"The people in Guatemala don't know anything about Walmart. I asked them and they were like, 'What's that?'"

Seriously? You asked them all?

I think I'm going to shop at night more often.

Labor Day

I don't generally post things here about outings with my family. But that's just because they are so rare!
Yesterday we decided to take a bona fide holiday and go somewhere fun with the kids. We decided this around noon and packed a quick lunch, jumped in the car and headed toward the canyon. We drove about half of the Alpine Loop, stopped at Cascade Springs and finished the day at Bridal Veil falls. It was great.
We have found that spontaneous outings are often the best!

Lessons from the Lawn

I think mowing the lawn is a wonderful thing. The combination of fresh cut grass, gasoline and sweat is what good hard work smells like. I find that sweeping back and forth across the yard, making real noticeable progress with every pass of the blades, is rather cathartic for me. But I haven't always felt that way.

Three years ago when we found out my husband was deploying with the Army and would be gone for two summers, the initial response of many well-meaning friends was, "We'll mow your lawn for you." It was like a knee jerk reaction to hearing the news. And about half the time that first summer I did get help with my lawn. Our young men's group came by a couple of times. My friends next door or the neighbors behind us would often cross the property line and mow my lawn as they did their own. I enlisted the help of brothers and nephews a time or two. But people had their own lawns--and frankly, their own lives--to worry about and I found the task of mowing the lawn falling on my shoulders much more often than I thought it would.

Now, mind you, I knew how to mow the lawn just fine on my own, but every time I did it I would quietly cry. Not because it was hard but because having to do it after being promised by so many that it would be taken care of, made me feel abandoned, forgotten and extremely lonely. It came to symbolize everything that was so difficult about my situation.

The second summer of the deployment was a completely different story. By that point I had already made it through an entire year--the most difficult year of my life. A year that was fraught with stress and pain. A year that made me figure out who I am without my companion by my side. A year that taught me what I'm really capable of. Mowing the lawn came to symbolize my independence, my ability to take care of things on my own and in some strange way, my own strength to endure hard things.

I'm not about to open a yard care business or anything, but I don't mind mowing the lawn now. Sometimes I quite enjoy it. It's great to see how quickly my yard goes from looking like an unruly jungle to a neat and ordered space. In fact, at times it seems like it's one of the only aspects of my life that I can really control!

Foodaholic

Hello. My name is Sarah and I'm a foodaholic.

Seriously. I think I have a problem. You wouldn't know by looking at me because I'm blessed with the world's best metabolism, but I'm a raging junk food junkie. It's like I'm a real life Lorelai Gilmore. And it goes back many many years. I hate to think about how much money I fed into the high school vending machine (sorry mom!). I recall rewarding myself with Symphony Almond and Toffee chocolate bars almost daily during college. And the M&Ms, french fries and soda I've consumed over my lifetime. . .OH THE HUMANITY!

There has always been a disturbing disconnect between what I know about proper eating and what I actually do. I find food science fascinating and have read numerous books and articles on the subject. But despite all that I know I can't keep snacky urges in check. This afternoon I read an article describing how for some people the dopamine in the brain that is set off by the consumption of fatty foods is similar to the levels found when taking illicit drugs.

Um . ..I think that would be me.

I think what is really becoming obvious, and is therefore totally starting to bug me, is the fact that at times I even act like an addict when it comes to junk food.

On Saturday nights I make sure there is enough soda in the house to get me through Sunday. If there's not, I find an excuse to run to the store or at least check to see if we have limeade in the freezer so that I can get my sweet drink fix.

I hide treats from my family. I tell myself that it's for their own good--you know, the Army requires hubby to be fit and the kids' brains are still developing etc. etc.--but really I just don't want to share.

I love to make cookies and I do it all the time. But I'm a Mormon woman. That's what we do, right? We bake cookies and call it fellowshipping. Most of the time I start out with the intention of giving them away to the neighbors or to my visiting teaching sisters, but more often than not we eat them all before they even make it off the cooling rack.

I always make sure I have at least $1.07 on me at all times so I can stop and get a value menu Jr. Bacon Cheese Burger (or Whopper Jr or McDouble) if the urge comes upon me. And if I were to be totally honest this happens several times a week, although I don't always indulge (I can't if the kids are with me!).

I could go on, but I'll stop because it's embarrassing me.

I had a disturbing addict moment the other day that is still bugging me. I was sitting in McDonald's with my dollar cheese burger and large soda and happened to notice a friend of mine come in with two of her kids. This friend is classy and intelligent and European so to see her in McDonald's, ordering from the dollar menu, totally made me feel better--and I told her so. She probably thought I was nuts. Later as I thought about it I came to the startling realization that I was feeling GUILTY for being there and that seeing her there too somehow justified it in my own mind.

Doesn't that seem just a bit twisted to you?

I'd really like to close this post with some kind of resolve to swear off sugar, eat only leafy greens and banish empty calorie drinks. But I'm not ready to do that, although I'll let you know when I am. Knowing you have a problem is half the battle, right? (Yeah, the easy half, I know.)

I'm going to go make a pizza now, perhaps I'll throw some green peppers on there to make it healthy!

Age of Innocence

This is my sweet daughter. She is in the funnest stage right now. She has always been super chatty(at least at home)but now she really has something to say and conversations with her are rather entertaining. In some ways she seems wise beyond her years, yet at times I am reminded just how young and innocent she is.

Yesterday we were having a conversation about relationships and she said,"I've never heard you and daddy fight and yell at each other." I responded,"You're right. Dad and I don't yell at each other but that doesn't mean we always agree on everything." She said, "Yeah, like Dad likes to eat cold honey butter on warm bread and you like both to be warm."

If that's her best recollection of us disagreeing than we must be doing something right!(or at least hiding things really well!)

She also recently asked me what an X-rated movie was. (Where she ever heard the term I'll never know.) I explained that it's a movie that is full of "a lot of bad stuff." She said, "Oh do the people say bad words and wear immodest clothes?"

Yeah, immodest clothes. That's it.

I've just been thinking about how pure she is--totally unspotted from the world. She's not even accountable yet. I often joke that she acts like a teenager already with her karaoke machine and sassy fashion sense, but she is still very much a little girl who likes to play with dolls and have tea parties. A little girl whose view of life is so hopeful and uncomplicated.

How do I help her hang on to that innocence as she heads into the approaching years? How do I shelter her without being overprotective? The world of her teenage years will be so different than mine was.

Actually, I think I know what I need to do. I just pray that I'm up to the challenge.