I think mowing the lawn is a wonderful thing. The combination of fresh cut grass, gasoline and sweat is what good hard work smells like. I find that sweeping back and forth across the yard, making real noticeable progress with every pass of the blades, is rather cathartic for me. But I haven't always felt that way.
Three years ago when we found out my husband was deploying with the Army and would be gone for two summers, the initial response of many well-meaning friends was, "We'll mow your lawn for you." It was like a knee jerk reaction to hearing the news. And about half the time that first summer I did get help with my lawn. Our young men's group came by a couple of times. My friends next door or the neighbors behind us would often cross the property line and mow my lawn as they did their own. I enlisted the help of brothers and nephews a time or two. But people had their own lawns--and frankly, their own lives--to worry about and I found the task of mowing the lawn falling on my shoulders much more often than I thought it would.
Now, mind you, I knew how to mow the lawn just fine on my own, but every time I did it I would quietly cry. Not because it was hard but because having to do it after being promised by so many that it would be taken care of, made me feel abandoned, forgotten and extremely lonely. It came to symbolize everything that was so difficult about my situation.
The second summer of the deployment was a completely different story. By that point I had already made it through an entire year--the most difficult year of my life. A year that was fraught with stress and pain. A year that made me figure out who I am without my companion by my side. A year that taught me what I'm really capable of. Mowing the lawn came to symbolize my independence, my ability to take care of things on my own and in some strange way, my own strength to endure hard things.
I'm not about to open a yard care business or anything, but I don't mind mowing the lawn now. Sometimes I quite enjoy it. It's great to see how quickly my yard goes from looking like an unruly jungle to a neat and ordered space. In fact, at times it seems like it's one of the only aspects of my life that I can really control!
5 comments:
Beautifully stated- I can identify on a small scale, I often (or nearly always) have the yard care and everything else care since Joe travels frequently and has already too much scheduled into his days. Sometimes I feel the burden too, but then again sometimes it is my freedom- I have a couple of hours of uninterrupted think time!
I'm so proud of you. I just am. My mom and I used to mow the acre of lawn she has when my brothers were gone for the summer and we'd have to take turns. Honestly we'd have to ask the neighbor to come start the lawnmower for us, too. Kind of embarrassing. But there is a feeling of accomplishment with all the sweat and pain and heartache that goes with it. Bless you!
You and your family are such an inspiration to me. I love to mow our lawn (we do have a riding mower) but I love to sit on that mower and not have anyone talk to me for that time.
Very poignant post, Blondie! You are amazing and strong and can do ANYTHING!
You sound so wise and strong. As a ps, I am fortunate to have my husband at home. However, I like mowing. It lasts way longer than floors, dishes or laundry.
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