Emotional Timebombs

I developed the term "emotional timebomb" soon after my dad died eleven years ago. At the time I was generally at peace with things and did not struggle with perpetual sorrow, but every so often I'd see something that reminded me of him or experience something that made me miss him and I was suddenly hit with an unexpected, unplanned emotional melt down. Like a ticking bomb that without warning had come to the end of its fuse.

I still have a few dad related timebombs every year. And I've noticed I'm sometimes susceptible to emotional timebombs brought on by other things.

I had one this morning.

As I was driving my children to school I saw the minivan of a family I know that lives in a neighboring ward. The windows of the car were plastered with signs declaring "Welcome Home Daddy!" The father of this family had just returned this past week from a deployment in Afghanistan. I happened to notice that this man was now in the car driving his children to school.

Bomb went off.

My mind was immediately transported back to that day, not too long ago, when my own garage door had a "Welcome Home" sign on it. The fifteen months that had preceded that day were some of the most difficult of my life. And the incredible feeling of relief I felt as my husband walked off that plane after his own deployment in Afghanistan, is an emotion I will never forget.

The funny thing is, I hardly cried at all that day. I think that the intensity and anticipation of that day somehow blocked my ability to really connect to what was going on. It was too surreal. But seeing the reunions of others always elicits a very strong response from me because I understand all of the emotions and hardships that reunion represents.

So by the time I got home from dropping the kids off this morning I was in tears--so much so I could barely explain to my husband why I was being emotional. And even when I got a few words out I realized that those emotions are difficult for me to explain--even to him. It's a mixture of painful memories and stress, inexpressible relief, and intense pride.

I think today's timebomb may have been a tender mercy. When life gets stressful and overwhelming, it's helpful for me to reflect upon times in my own past that have stretched me and tried me but left me stronger.

It helps me remember that this too shall come to pass.